Shut Up, Spike
by DracoMalfoy456
Summary: Just a normal night of slaying action. All dialogue. A Fluffy, pre-Spuffy story, meant as a dialogue building exercise. R&R Please


Summary: Just a normal night of slaying action. All dialogue. A Fluffy, pre-Spuffy story, meant as a dialogue building exercise.

Author's Note: Alright, so, this story came to me in the shower. I was thinking about things that needed to be thought about, when I remembered someone once telling me that to improve my dialogue skills, writing an all dialogue piece might help. Thus, this piece of randomness was born. It's probably one of my most light-hearted fics. I tried getting the story across as best I could with only dialogue, and I hope it worked out. So, enjoy, or don't. It's up to you. ^-^

Please review. And tell me what you think. It'll help greatly. Oh, and I wrote this at midnight, and am posting it at two AM, so there may be mistakes.

OH! And just so you know, words in All caps with **'s around them are things that happen to objects, or things that don't relate to Spike or Buffy. Words with only the first letter capitalized with **'s around them are related to Spike or Buffy. In case you were confused.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, just good ol' Phanakaphickle. ^-^

* * *

*SLAM* "Spike, wake up!"

*THUD* "Bloody hell, Slayer! I was sleepin' here!"

"And see how little I care. We just got news of a demon that has been terrorizing the local golf course. It's been going down there for the past two days, and has killed at least three golfers, and injured ten. I'd go and pay him a visit myself, but I don't know my way around the sewers very well, and that's where he's staying. So, get up, and let's go."

"Oh ho, is the high and mighty Slayer asking for the Big Bad's help? Someone call the paper."

"Don't get used to it. Now, are you coming or not?"

"Hold your horses, blondey. Give a bloke a chance to wake himself, yeah? Did ya have to come so early? With an ax, no less?"

"I needed something to kill the demon with. And besides, it's 3 O'clock"

"Yeah, vampire here, luv. Stay up all night, sleep durin' the day? Ringin' any bells?"

"Oh shut up! Are you coming, or do I have to stake you?"

"Geez. Not givin' me much of a choice, are ya Slayer? Fine, I'm up. Where is this demon staying then?"

"I don't really know. All I could find out was he was staying in the sewers, most likely around the club. He's not known for his smarts, so it shouldn't be that much of a problem to take him out."

"Right. So we're goin' in semi blind? Fantastic. Have you at least got a torch?"

"I'm not an idiot, Spike. I've got one right here."

*Snickers* "Nice torch, Slayer. Barbie? Didn' know you were into that stuff."

"Oh shut up! Do you really want to end up in a vacuum?"

"Sing us a new tune, why don't you Slayer. This one went out of style last century. Come on."

"Stupid peroxide blood-sucker. 'Sing us a new tune, Slayer.' I could so dust him any time I wanted."

"What's that, Slayer? Have somethin' to share with the class?"

"Nothing, Spikey."

"You know, you're cute when you're angry."

"... And I'm not even going to respond to that."

"Whatever makes you happy. You may want to turn on that torch now. There's little light in these parts. I can see just fine, but your human eyes might not."

*CLICK* "Alright."

*Splish splash.*

"...Spike, are we there yet? Because these shoes are going to be beyond repair soon."

"Typical Buffy. Worryin' 'bout your bloody shoes while walkin' to meet a demon, beside a demon."

"Shut up."

*Splish splash.*

"Seriously Spike, are we there yet? You may enjoy walking amongst filth, but I'm not. It smells horrible down here. How on earth can you stand it?"

"When you grow up in a time without indoor plumbing, and bathin', you learn to ignore the smell."

"Still, it's gross."

"You're adorable when your nose is all scrunched up."

"Again, not responding."

*Splish, thump.*

"We're almost under the golf course now, so if your hunch is correct, we should be close."

"Oh thank God. These shoes were brand new, and now they're ruined."

"Maybe you shouldn't wear new shoes when ya know you'll be walkin' around in sewers."

"Shut _up_ Spike"

"Is that going to be your new catchphrase or somethin'? Because, I've got to say, it's v_ery_ annoyin'"

"If it's annoying you, I'll make it my new motto. 'Shut up Spike' Kinda catchy, dontcha think?"

*Thump thump*

"We're close."

"How do you know?"

"It smells different. It smells of rotten meat, and blood. Whatever it is, it's close by. Looks like you'll need that ax."

"Oh joy."

*THUD.*

"Well, that's never a good sound."

"No kiddin'. Shine the torch this way, would ya?"

"Oh, gross!"

"What?"

"There was a rat!"

"This comin' from the girl who fights demons every night?"

"Shut up."

*GROWL*

"An' I'm really not liking the sound of that. What did ya say this thing was again?"

"Um... I think Giles said it was called a funny pickle. Not very threatening sounding."

"… Love, did he by any chance say Phanakaphickle?"

"Oh, yeah! That's it."

*Groan* "You are gonna be the death of me, woman. A Phanakaphickle is a feared demon among the Demon world, mainly 'cause it's nearly indestructible, and has slow acting poison in its claws. Get even a small slice, and it's bye bye livin'. Vamps don't die, but they do go into a coma, usually never comin' out."

"…Oh."

"Yeah, oh. Didn't your Watcher tell you this?"

"Um, I may have been a bit distracted."

"With what?! What is more important than finding out what you need to kill?"

"Hey! It's not my fault Riley was wearing a tight fitting shirt!"

*Growl*

"Did you just- did you just _grow_/ at me?"

"Yes I did, you pillock! Are you insane? Goin' into battle without knowin' who you're up against is a sure way to get killed."

"Just shut up!"

"Gettin' real tired of bein' told to shut up, Slayer."

"Well get used to it, Spike. Maybe if you'd keep quiet for one minute, I wouldn't-"

*GROWL!*

"Okay, is it just me, or was that closer than last time?"

"Bloody hell Slayer! Look out!"

*Yelp*

"Where is it?! Here, take the flashlight, I need to fight this thing."

"Alright, I've got it. Big ugly's over to your right. No, your other right!"

"I only have one right! Point the light in the direction of this thing!"

"Fine!"

*Slam!*

"BUFFY!"

*Splash, growl.*

"Buffy, get up. I'm holding him off, but I don't know how much longer I can last."

"Right. Where did my ax go?"

"It's to your left!"

"Right! Where are you?"

"Just follow my bloody voice, Slayer!"

*GROWL*

"Alright, alright! Where did the light go?!"

"I think it fell into the water."

"You dropped the light?!"

"Well excuse me for savin' your life!"

*Groan* "Alright. Uh..."

*Strangled shout.*

"SPIKE! What happened?!"

"Thing almost nicked me. Got a nice chunk of my shirt though. I could use some help here!"

"I can't bloody see!"

"You know, any other time, I'd mention the fact you just used one of my words, but as I'm sort of fightin' for my life here..."

"Just shut up already! Okay, I've found the flashlight, I think it might still work..."

*Click*

"Yes! Thank you Dawn!"

"Yeah, wonderful, now hurry up!"

"Okay. Now, how do I kill this thing?"

"You have to chop off its head. Only problem is, it's guarded by heavy armor. You have to get it in just the right spot, or else it will just bounce off. Hence the words 'nearly indestructible'. It works best to weaken him first, as he might let his guard down."

"Got it!"

*SLISH, SQUISH, THUNK.*

"Ewwww! This thing is bleeding all over my shoes!"

"Be grateful you're alive."

"Right. Are you alright Spike?"

"Never been better luv. Nothin' like a neat dust experience to get the blood rushin'"

"I will never understand your love for violence."

"Oh come on, Slayer. You tellin' me you've never gotten hot over a fight?"

"No."

"My nose tells a different story."

"EWWWW!"

*chuckles*

"So, can I go back to sleep now?"

"Whatever Spike."

"You know, you're lucky I had been too tired to take off my pants last night, or else you have gotten yourself an eyeful of little Spike."

"Right, lucky."

"What was that, Slayer?"

"Nothing! Uh, anyway, I've got to go. Uh... Thanks for the help."

"No problem Slayer. You know I live to please."

"Whatever. Bye."

"G'bye Slayer."

"Oh, and Spike?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up."

*THUD*

*Chuckles*


End file.
